This Week's Jokes

In a few short days, an African American man will move from his private residence into a much larger and infinitely more expensive one owned not by him but by the taxpayers. A vast lawn, a perimeter fence and many well trained security specialists will insulate him from the rest of us, but the mere fact that this man will be residing in this house should make us all stop and count or blessings -- because it proves that we live in a nation where anything is possible.

 

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

One day, a man walked into an appliance store.

 

"Do you sell color televisions?"

"Yes," said the clerk. "Yes, we do."

"Then give me a green one."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A mobile phone on a bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker-function and begins to talk as he puts on his golf shoes. Everyone else in the room stops to listen.

MAN: "Hello?"

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"

MAN: "Yes."

WOMAN: "I'm at the shops now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's only 500. Is it okay if I buy it?"

MAN: "Sure, go ahead if you like it that much."

WOMAN: "Oh, thanks so very much. I also stopped by the Mercedes garage this morning and saw the new models. There was one I really, really liked."

MAN: "How much?"

WOMAN: "80.000"

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the optional extras."

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing. The house we wanted last year is back on the market. They're asking 1,500,000."

MAN: "Well then, go ahead and make them an offer, no more than 1,250,000."

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later! I love you!"

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in absolute astonishment. Then he smiles and asks, "Anyone know whose mobile this is?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

When Mozart passed away, he was buried in a churchyard. A couple days later, the town drunk was walking through the cemetery and heard some strange noise coming from the area where Mozart was buried.

Terrified, the drunk ran and got the town magistrate to come and listen to it.

When the magistrate arrived, he bent his ear to the grave, listened for a moment, and said, "Ah, yes, that's Mozart's Ninth Symphony, being played backwards."

He listened a while longer, and said, "There's the Eighth Symphony, and it's backwards, too. Most puzzling."

So the magistrate kept listening; "There's the Seventh... the Sixth... the Fifth..."

Suddenly the realization of what was happening dawned on the magistrate; he stood up and announced to the crowd that had gathered in the cemetery, "My fellow citizens, there's nothing to worry about. It's just Mozart decomposing."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

A husband from Long Island, kissed his wife goodbye and got into his Cadillac to drive to work in New York City. He'd gone about a mile when he remembered that he'd left something in the bedroom. So he turned the car around and drove back home.

When he walked into the bedroom, there was his wife, lying totally nude on the bed and the neighbor standing totally nude beside her.

The quick-thinking neighbor promptly went into a squatting position on the rug and said, "I'm glad you're here, Mr. Jones, because I was just telling you wife that if she doesn't pay the milk bill, I'm gonna shit all over the floor."

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years ago that I lost my dear wife and children.

I'll never forget that game of cards...

Random Crap

Imagine, before we were borned, we sat down at a table in Heaven together with God, over a cup of coffee, discussing how we want our future life to be. We asked for a lot of things. God let us have some, refused us some, and we bargained to and fro.

 

In the end, we reached a conclusion, with our life planned to the most minute detail. Finally, both God and us finally signed on the 'contract'. How our life will go about, from the moment we are borned to the moment we die, including when exactly we die, all fixed, predestinated.

 

There, we waved goodbye to God, to be borned on Earth. The peculiar thing is, once we are borned, we forgot our discussion with God.

 

~Adapted from Yoruba Legend

 

Wondered what happened at my conversation with God. I guessed I must have quite a lot of bargaining chips left over from my previous life. =P

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

"Everyday life is more interesting than forms of celebration when we become aware of it. That when, is when our intentions go down to zero. Then suddenly notice that the world is magical.

 

"Zen monks go in through discipline, then they get free of ego... I decided to go out. That is why I decided to use the chance operations. I used them to free myself from the ego."

 

"We are made perfect by what happens to us rather than by what we do... We should not only allow things to happen, we should encourage them to do so."

 

~ John Cage, composer of 4'33"

 

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Nations, Groups, Cliques... Races, Religions, Sexes... Cultures, Societies, Families... Philosophies, Theories, Concepts... Fashion, Trends, Styles ----> White Circles floating around in the midst of Black Nothingness.

 

Boundaries, Rules, Regulations ----> Lines that surrounds the Circles , separating the White from the Black.

 

White = Orderliness, Structure, Purity, Solid, Absolute, Light.

Black  = Chaoes, Mess, Impurity, Nothingness, Chances, Darkness.

 

We, our being, our thoughts, are inside some huge, established White Circles 99.999% of the time. These huge White Circles represent established forms of living, thinking, behaving. They have thick, seemingly impentratable lines surrounding it. Restricting. Engulfing. Sometimes Stifling. Oppressing. Suffocating.

 

And the thing is, most of the time, we are so accustomed, so deep inside the White Circle, that we CAN'T see the Lines. 

 

Perhaps there are NO Lines. Perhaps the Lines are imaginary, and we imagined it because we FEAR to leave the White and wandered out to the unknowning Black Nothingness. I know I do fear. Going to America. Who knows what is going to happen?

 

On the other hand, there are people who strived to break free of the barriers all the time. Thinkers, artists, trend setters etc etc. Only when they managed to break free from the old Circle into the Black Nothingness, then they realised that they are trapped in another White Circle that already existed, or one they created.

 

A very good example: There is this big 'White Circle' of Christianity. From it, Atheism broke through and formed another big 'White Circle'. These two are arguing all the time, each trying to prove or disprove whether God exists. Then I thought, it is so stupid. I don't give a damn whether God exists. Lo and behold, I am entrapped in another Circle! I can't even break out to get into the Black Nothingness!

 

And you know what? All these White Circles and Black Nothingness... are all encompassed inside one huge gigantic White Sphere !!!

 

Is it possible to break through the Sphere, with its added dimension?? What lies outside the Sphere?? More Nothingness?? Or the Light of Enlightenment?

 

P.S. If you managed to read until here, sorry to entrapped you in this crappy White Circle (of 'White Circles' and 'Black Nothingness) of my own. Perhaps it would be better if you didn't read it, or gave up halfway.  Then you will be in the Black Darkness of ignorance/unawareness/unknown, a state where creativity is at its highest, where potential is at its greatest. 

 

But it's ok, now at least you can see that Circles and Lines exist. If you still can't see them, try shouting the f word in public.

 

P.P.S. I realised one can't break through into the Black Nothingness from White Circle. One can only emerge from the Nothingness into White Circle.

 

 * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Orders, boundaries, regulations. Moral-Immoral. Heaven-Earth. Christianity-Non Christianity. Singapore-Other Countries. Chinese-Other Races. Clean-Dirty. Etc. Each have own set of rules that define themselves, differentiate themselves from others, keeping themselves pure, keeping the impurities out. 

 

'Christianity' won't be 'Christianity' if they don't keep the thoughts that 'God doesn't exist' (impurities) away. 'Heaven' won't be 'Heaven' if it isn't pure and perfect. 'Chinese' won't be 'Chinese' anymore if they don't follow the 'Chinese' culture.

 

Within every Orders there are Essences. Once the Essences are diluted, even replaced by impurities, the Order itself won't exist anymore. Hence the need of boundaries and regulation, to protect itself.

 

Perfectly understandable.

 

HOWEVER, boundaries, regulations, walls... All these prevent changes. Without changes, there will be stagnation...

 

 

The above is some loose strands of thoughts on the same topic that I penned down last night, which I wanted to throw into the rubbish bin, consign into Nothingness. 

 

Perfect days

My first 3 days of 2009 was perfect.

 

1 Jan 2009  

My parents and I ate a sumptuous buffet at Zheng Fa Huo Hai Xian at Novena, which left us full and satisfied.

 

2 Jan 2009

We had a block 54 gathering, eating at a famous zi char in Ang Mo Kio. It feels so good to see so many hall friends again. And I got a gigantic crab pincer to myself, heehee. The meal cost $36 per person.

 

Noticed the cup in front of Weitao? He was the only one who drank hot drink during the dinner while others drank cold drinks.

 

He was laughed at by all of us for being 'uncle'. Haha!

 

3 Jan 2009

Today, a friend and I discovered by chance a backlane full of hidden treasures! It is a small street, partially hidden, full of shops which sells those funny funny designer clothes, bags, shoes etc. etc. Normally I don't care much about clothes and bags, but the whole street seems so arty... walls with graffitis (not those delibrate ones by artists, but those 'ugly' ones), wierd cafe/bar/boutique which I can't classify which is which, hidden parts of shops (2nd storeys) which brings surprises... that it attracts me instantly. When you first walked into the lane, it actually feels creepy. But as you walk further in, it feels like you have reached some other exotic country.

 

Too bad we have to rush to catch a movie, leaving us no time to explore the shops. Guess I will go back tomorrow to get a suitable laptop bag for myself.

 

By the way, the lane is called Haji Lane, which you go in from Arab Street. 10 mins walk from Bugis mrt, towards Raffles Hospital direction.  

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Then we watched Seven Pounds. Will Smith's movies never disappoints me. The whole movie is one big mystery, leaving the audience dying to know the answer. The jigsaw puzzle fits nicely gradually towards the end of the show... and the complete picture shocked the audience emotionally.

 

However, after the show, there was still one little loose end that is not tied up:

 

Why is the movie named 'Seven Pounds'?

 

This, you will have to wiki it yourself.

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

After the show, I reached home just in time for my favourite tv animae every Sat 9pm: Star Wars. That was followed by watching Pursuit of Happyness, which I rented just before I walked home.

 

2 good movies. 1 great street. What a great day. =)

 

 

illusion

illusion \i-ˈlü-zhən\ noun

- perception of something objectively existing in such a way as to cause misinterpretation of its actual nature

 

This whole world is one big massive web of illusion. Life, relationships, religion, earth, sun, solar system, universe, atoms, electrons, tables, chairs, words, blog, stories, trees, games, art, internet, money, etc etc etc.

 

It is transient, ever-changing, constantly flowing, and will eventually die.

 

But people are acting as if they will last forever. We cannot help it. Study study study. Work work work. Gather more and more money. Sometimes the illusion only seems too real. Illusions within illusions within illusions. Can we pierce it? Can we stay above it?

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

Imagine the future: there is a place where you can do what you want, how you want, when you want. A virtual reality. Everyone will enter this reality for 16 hours everyday, where you control your avatar, and doing whatever you want to do. However, you cannot stay in the virtual reality forever. You have to return to the real world to do real stuff for some time everyday, or you will die. When you are in the real world, your avatar will 'sleep', oblivious to what you are doing in the real world.

 

What will you do in the virtual reality?

 

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

 

This is similar to Buddhist philosophy, but different. Buddists also believe that everything is illusion, but they aim to rise above the illusion to attain a peaceful, enlightened state. I believed the same thing, but I also believed that the belief is something that is almost impossible to attain. Well, it is believed to take several recarnations to fully attain Enlightenment isn't it?

 

It simply needs too MUCH effort, and it is against my Taoist belief of "无为". *chuckle*

 

No. I am not a rule breaker. But I will bend it. I want to stretch the limits of the thick wall of illusions, of my imagination. (And maybe I will break it in my next incarnation.)

 

Enjoy the moment. Do what you want, how you want, when you want!

 

As far as possible.

 

P.S. This entry is an illusion. It doesn't exist.

 

 

 

1st entry in 2009

Time passes so fast, 2008 passed with a blink of an eye. (*blink blink* Shit. Now still 2009.) Looking back, 2008 is an important milestone year in my life, just as 1983, 1989, 1991, 1996, 2000, 2002, 2004.

 

Why are 'milestone years' so important?

 

Coz too often, you have to fill in those years into those stupid forms which asked the same questions over and over and over and over again.

 

Enough said. I seldom blog these days as I am extremely busy with something else (erm, see previous entry), hence, kinda lost the skill to blog/crap about the some of the most mundane and meaningless stuff in life.

 

You see, every so often, once I started working, the most meaningful goal that excites me these days is very often... a quest in some game, eg. kill the same type of monster over and over and over again until you get a rare drop. *Pause* Erm ok, not very meaningful. Haha!

 

For the pass 25 years I have been like water in a river rushing along day after day towards the ocean. Now I have finally reached the big wide ocean. Now what?

 

Suddenly a thought strikes me: there are people who are passionate about their job, and there are people who are enduring their job. When I was in hall production, I can differentiate between these people. Now... I can't. Instead, I can only see TGIFs everywhere. (Today is Friday! Heehee! )

 

Bosses can make the job more endurable for people. But how can they make people more passionate about their job? Food for thought.

 

Seems like I kept rambling about this meaningless life topic these days. Ah heck, 今朝有酒今朝醉，今天有game今天玩。Yeah!

 

 

**** Change topic ****

 

MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR! 

 

This year total Christmas presents received count: 3. One shirt, one t-shirt, and one set of mouse pad and wrist rest. Thanks friends! =)

 

This year total expected Christmas presents yet received count: 3 also. Haha!

 

Anwz for those who don't know, I will be leaving for United States (St Louis, Missouri) for 3.5 months training on 7 Feb. Only 5 more weeks from now. Also, for those who don't know, this month is also my birthday month. And FYI, Chinese New Year also falls in this month. So, for those who can't give me my Christmas present before I leave for the states, I will be demanding my Christmas Present + Birthday Present and New Year Ang Bao as interest when I come back.

 

DON'T SAY I DIDN'T WARN YOU. *Evil laugh*

 

**** Change topic ****

 

Just now talked to 4 JC classmates simultaneously on msn. Come to think of it, the relationships between my JC classmates is one huge complicated web. A is close to B. B is close to C. But A finds it awkward to talk to C. Etc etc. And normally this kind of complicated relationships are usually between different gender. For the guys in my class, our friendships go way back to secondary school, so we don't have such complications. Although there are classmates I don't usually talk to, I will still think of them from time to time.

 

After all, we spent the best 2 years of our lifes together. 

 

00S60. Wish you all a Happy New Year!